A Wise Girl Kisses But Never Loves
by Evil Duckie of the BlackLagoon
Summary: You know we have more in common then you think...", he whispered in her ear. "Um, sorry to break it to ya sugar but the only thing we have in common is that we both have a bit of sperm swimming in both of us". HAHAHA! Joker/OC! Check it out!
1. Daddy's Dead

So, which one is the cockney concubine bitch?", Martin murmured scouting out the area as he took another sip of his champagne.

Sophie sighed, as she removed her Dolce and Gabana black sunglasses. Looking upon the crowd of people within the party hall no one seemed to stand out.

"I don't know Martin, look for the suspicious slut…", shrugging her shoulders as her eyes continued darting around the room.

"Do you really think that bitch will get the money?"

"She better not! I worked too fucking hard sucking up for 23 years to lose it all down the drain to some stupid bitch who jiggled her bits and laid under him for a year."

"But, before you completely lose it sweetheart remember if mommy dearest ends up getting the money you know she'll end up blowing it all over valium, ecstasy, and for sure some hard liquor on the side".

Sophie signed as she jutted her jaw out before downing the rest of her champagne.

Today was the worse day ever. Today was the funeral of dear mob boss Vincent Carpazano. Dear father of Sophie Carpazano and dear cheating asshole husband of Penelope Carpazano.

Penelope Carpazano was just like every other mob boss's wife. She enjoyed expensive clothes, expensive food, expensive home's and paying for expensive looking men. Everybody knew about Vincent Carpazano's little rendezvous with the British harlot but nobody knew that Penelope was also backstabbing her husband in another mans bed.

Oh the irony of it.

Sophie lived for the drama.

As she stretched her head out amongst the tall individuals she knew this was a big deal. Just about every mob family were here to commemorate his death. Gotham police were probably having a kegger party over the fact of her fathers death. It wasn't even a depressing or dangerous death. Not even a murder. He just ate himself to death. They were having a nice dinner and suddenly the fatass curled up his toes and keeled over. It was such a laughing stock Sophie was ashamed to be here.

She was pissed off more when she noticed Marco a well known son of the Angeletti family checking her out wiggling his thick man eyebrows and slightly snapping his teeth out at her.

"Martin give me my bag?"

"Why sugar?"

"Cause, I'm about to puke", as she went to snatch it as he slapped her hands away.

"What?", as he looked over to where she was looking and noticed Marco Angeletti checking out her 5'2 form.

"I don't see what's wrong with him", as Martin wiggled his fingers at Marco biting the air back.

Marco suddenly stopped and looked away.

"Oh, oh, wait wait!", Sophie whispered harshly as she stood on her tippy toes.

"That's totally her!", as Martin shoved her slightly to get a better look at the Carpazano mistress.

There she was. The woman that was causing all these problems for Sophie, Martin, and Penelope was quietly stepping out of the bathroom wiping her mouth clean looking around as another man secretly followed her out also as they separated into the crowd.

"Ew, does she ever stop? I mean really. I bet you by the end of the day every single man in here will have some sort of disease"

Martin lifted his hand and began waving it all the while smiling.

"Um no, Vagina equals Icky!"

Sophie sighed and as looked up at Martin

"Your really, really, really not helping me".

Suddenly the shrill sonic sound of a microphone went off.

"Um, excuse me I'm sorry but if we could have the Carpazano family follow us please. We might as well go over the will before the wake is over", as a little old Italian man placed the microphone back on the stand and hobbled over to a secret door along the wall.

Sophie grabbed Martins arm.

"I don't give a shit your coming with me now!", as she began dragging him over to the room.

"But Sophie! They just brought out a new serving of snow crab! I need to get some before the rest of the party attack them", as he started whining.

"I don't care Martin! We can go get snow crabs at Red Lobster later! Now is not the time!".

She pulled Martin through the door as she shoved the mistress in the shoulder before settling down into a seat up front.

"Your absolutely vicious", Martin whispered as Sophie pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"You cant blame me? Look at her", as they both turned their heads slightly to get a look at her. Sophie glared.

"I mean look at her body Martin. It's sick", as the mistress crossed her legs gracefully also pulling out a cigarette. The woman was built like a fembot. Long slim body. Gorgeous ass, gorgeous breasts. Tight skin. And thick blond hair pilled onto her head. It was wrong.

"I'll be grateful if I have a body like hers in the next twenty years", as she slammed her purse on the floor.

"Somebody's having body issues", Martin whispered in a high pitched voice as he rolled his eyes up towards the ceiling looking away at her.

Sophie bit her bottom lip.

"But hey, Sophie don't worry cookie! I mean you'll be fine as long as you don't end up like your mother", as he pointed over to Penelope across the room.

Sophie looked over and gasped covering her hand over her mouth moving her head and looking forward.

Mommy dearest was slightly slumped in her chair drink slipping from her hand. Those drugs were definitely putting mommy out. At least she would be in a good mood.

"Shit, Martin what should I do?", as he was twiddling his thumbs looking at the gaudy Persian decor in the room.

"Martin!", as she slapped him upside the head.

"Pay attention to me! I am in need of assistance", as he grabbed the back of his head in pain.

"Just leave her Sophie! She's in the normal state! If she wasn't slumped in her chair drugged up everybody would think something's wrong with her".

"Do you at least think I should shake her up a bit before the lawyer comes in to talk about the will", as she looked back at her mother biting the inside of her cheek.

"Nah", as he softly slapped her knee. "You'll just spread the word when the haze lifts".

"Eh", Sophie shrugged as she nodded her head and waited for the lawyer.

"Where is that lawyer by the way?", as she turned her body all the way around. Right as she did that the door broke off of its hinges and hit the floor with a loud bang.


	2. Teeth

Disclaimer: I have no rights or property over the Joker, Batman or any of the characters from DC Comics apart from dear Sophie and her nutty family. You know the rules. Read and Review! PS. I KNOW FOREVER SINCE I UPDATED!

The shit had definitely hit the fan. The wake was over, as Sophie heard many shuffling feet, screams, and a few too many gunshots. Sophie knew that she should have probably been in on the crazed movement but at the moment she was trapped inside a room that became extremely crowded.

A large troupe of men began filtering into the room yelling waving their guns like crazed warriors.

"If any of you so much as breath loudly your fucking dead!", as one of the strange men screamed shooting a few bullets into the ceiling.

Sophie sat there closely huddled beside Martin as she stared at the strange masked men. They were dressed up like…..clowns? Yeah, you really don't see that everyday. She could understand a Reagan mask or a Clinton mask but clown masks? That was a new one in her book.

Marco suddenly growing hair on his balls stood up pulling out his own gun pointing it straight at the one clown that had been threatening the small party earlier.

A show down had began.

They both had their guns raised pointing at one another. But the real question was who had the guts to pull the trigger first?

"Who the fuck invited you freaks? Why don't you and your stupid little fuck party just get the hell out of here", as Sophie watched small beads of sweat forming on Marco's forehead. Poor choice of words Sophie thought knowing that Marco was not known for the art of being suave but acting before he thought.

Suddenly a gunshot went off as Marco fell over a bullet lodged between his eyes.

Yeah, I think Marco proved his point.

An even stranger looking man sauntered his way through the door as his eyes skimmed the small group. Sophie was mesmerized. She had never seen a man like this unless you counted the local circus.

His face was painted ghost white. While his eyes were just circled with thick layers of black paint. But the scariest thing about him was the large red painted smile that graced his face.

Another smile laid underneath his painted one. It was hidden rather well but Sophie could see the permanent scarred smile that graced underneath his makeup.

It was a haunting Glasgow smile that sent chills up her spine. But he definitely wasn't smiling. A frown graced his face as he continued his search amongst the group. Sophie cringed as she stared at his hair. He really needed a quick shampoo, some conditioner would do some wonders for him. It was disgusting to say the least. It was a stringy dark blonde with a bad green dye job.

His sense of style wasn't any better either. He wore a pair of worn out brown ratty shoes that had seen better days. Purple pinstripe pants covered in dust and white paint as a long pocket chain moved against his thigh. He wore a dark green vest, and a purple jacket which had seen better days to say the least.

He maneuvered his way around the room as he squinted at certain people.

"Yea, Hi there! Oops, heh sorry such a tight squeeze in here", he murmured as he stepped over Marco's dead body. He suddenly stopped, turned and bent down picking Marco's pocket. He took out Marco's wallet and stuffed it into his pocket all the while clearing his throat.

"Oh God…", Sophie whispered, grabbing her face. This couldn't get any worse. She knew she should have just stayed in the apartment and watched Family Guy all day. The head clown walked over to the desk sitting down in the rolling chair. He spun himself once or twice as everyone watched in completely silence. Stretching his arms out he spun himself again as he knocked a lamp off of the desk into an unsuspecting family members face. Her Uncle Luke fell over into a heap on the ground holding his face moaning as blood began to trickle out of his nose and mouth. He groaned forcing himself up as the main clown began laughing insanely clapping his hands together. Uncle Luke looked up with a deep glare as he spat a tooth at the clown who immediately stopped laughing as his black eyes lost all amusement.

His mouth made a smacking sound as he stood up pushing the chair against the wall as he picked up the tooth and walked over to her Uncle Luke who suddenly became terrified. Kneeling down, the clown placed the tooth in front of Uncle Luke's face.

"Uh..I think ya might of dropped this? You might need this later. For the tooth fairy and all. Have to save up for your funeral", as Uncle Luke began to yell the clown shot him in the face. The little girl sitting down beside Uncle Luke began screaming. Sophie sighed. That was Luke's daughter.

As Uncle Luke's body slumped to the ground the clown continued to stare at him as if nothing happened.

"No? Okay then", as he shrugged throwing the tooth to the little girl.

"Here ya go sweets. Your allowance came early. Don't spend it all now ya hear", as he smiled at the sobbing girl.

HOPEFULLY MORE INSPIRATION WILL COME!!! PLEASE REVIEW!! ANY SUGGESTIONS ARE MORE THEN WELCOMED!!! I LOVE IDEAS!


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